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Shameful feelings of self condemnation can be extremely harsh, especially when it is perceived that a deeply valued belief about what is and is not socially acceptable has been violated. The individual who feels shame engages in total self condemnation, whether other people are aware of it or not.
Shame is much more powerful than guilt because feeling guilty is connected with a single act or behavior of which the person disapproves. Instead, there is awareness that some law or code has been violated in a single instance. It involves a complete judgment of the entire self as negative.
For women, feelings of shame often have to do with body image issues.
Women compare themselves to other women and fear that they are not thin enough, shapely enough, or large breasted enough to fit the stereotypical view of what is defined as a beautiful woman.
How can a father be engaged in fathering his children if he is locked in his office at home spending countless hours viewing porno sites on the internet?
Part of the reason why women are so angry about internet pornography is that it takes their men away from the family and from themselves.
For men, shame issues are directly related to sexual performance, and definitions of masculinity. There is just no pretending; He either ejaculates or he does not.
For the male, part of sexual performance has to do with getting and maintaining an erection. If he fails to ejaculate he feels less like a real man.
All of these are tests of masculinity for these adolescent men.
Many boys become interested in weight lifting magazines with photos of muscular men whom they wish to emulate as a way of demonstrating their masculine prowess. According to Robert Stoller, a psychoanalyst and researcher on sexual issues and pornography, the role of pornography is to serve as the reverse of life events that occurred during childhood.